ALONE IN THE CROWDED CITY

“I feel hated most of the time in school. I feel looked down on and I get judged a lot, but what keeps me going is people like Kian who has gone through the same thing as I. In a school with so many people, it’s weird to say ‘I feel alone’ but the truth is that yes, I really do feel alone. So, thanks for everything Kian.” I read that statement after having seen the tragic story of a thirteen-year-old girl who had committed suicide because of the bullying she suffered at school. Tragic!

Those social media stories seemed to drip with the sweat of loneliness and emotional pain. They grabbed my attention and reminded me of an experience of loneliness I had several years ago. My story was, by no means, comparable to the pain these two young people felt but it reminds me that the journey of loneliness and social isolation can lead to real pain.

It was late autumn, 1960. My 26-year-old wife, Norma, passed away less than two months earlier. I had no immediate family left in Jamaica. They had all emigrated to the US and lived in New York. They all returned home after the funeral. I was alone.

Although friends said I was coping well with my loss, I knew otherwise. Deep down, I was grieving the loss of Norma and felt trapped and empty. It was and emptiness that only the bereaved can fully understand. In a moment of desperation, I booked a flight from Kingston, Jamaica, to Miami, Florida, without much thought or any plan. Totally crazy, but that’s what I did. Emotional pain can prompt unpredictable behavior.

I arrived in Miami, with no plans and no reservations for a place to stay. I thought I’d find a hotel and a beach where I could unwind for a few days so, I took a taxi from the airport and asked the driver to take me to a reasonably priced hotel by the beach.

As we traveled, I shared with the driver my reason for being in Miami. “Even more crazy” you are probably thinking. I agree! Everything I had done to that point, was reckless and crazy. It must have been that the hinges of my mind needed lubricating.

I had not told anyone in Jamaica of my plans. No one really knew my whereabouts. My family in New York City had no idea that I had left Jamaica. I just knew I needed to get away and unwind. Taking a trip overseas seemed like the perfect thing to do.

The cab driver took me to a hotel in what appeared to have been a reasonably average neighborhood, and the building appeared to have been more than acceptable. I checked in and began looking forward to an evening with dinner, my bible, the radio and the evening’s newspaper. Those were the days when the newspaper was still the primary source of the day’s news.

I had hardly settled in when there was a knock on my door. There, standing outside my door, was a woman I did not know. It did not take long for me to figure out what was happening. I was furious as I asked her to leave. Clearly, the cab driver had misread my interest. I called the front desk and reported my disappointment and disgust. They apologized profusely and swore they were unaware of who the stranger might be. I turned my evening over to the Lord and did not even bother to go for dinner.

Early the next morning, I checked out, called a taxicab and headed to the Greyhound Bus station. I bought a ticket to New York City where my family lived. I did not call to say I was planning to visit, so they had no idea I was headed that way.

The overnight, 18-hour trip brought me into New York’s Grand Central Station well past midnight. I was in the Big Apple. Although it was after midnight, New York was still ablaze with lights, awake with people rushing, vehicles dashing. My head buzzed with Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York.”

“I want to be a part of it
New York, New York. ….

I want to wake up
In a city that doesn’t sleep
And find I’m king of the hill,
Top of the heap....”

But for me, that morning, I thought: “I don’t want to be part of it.” There were people everywhere, but I was alone in the busiest city in the USA. Scared best defines how I felt.

After a few minutes in that state of mind, I thought: “Audley, it’s time to cash in on the treasury you possess. The Holy Spirit and all of God’s inestimable resources are yours.” Jesus said, “...And I will pray the Father and He will give you another comforter that He might abide with you forever; even the Spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive....” (John 14: 16-17.) That brought relative calm but the reality of no human connection among all those people registered in my mind.

Light rain started as I got on the #2 Subway to Brooklyn, a forty-minute trip to Kingston Avenue & Eastern Parkway, where I got off. After the ten-minute walk in the rain at 2:00 am, I arrived at 2 Virginia Place, home of my mother, father and siblings. I rang the doorbell, but no one responded. Anxiety began to set in. By now, you’re asking, “was he out of his mind? These things only happen in comic books and mystery novels.”

After about six minutes of doorbell ringing and door knocking, desperation began to breed panic, but I kept my cool. Cell phones were not part of the solution in 1960. They had not been invented yet. So, with suitcase in hand, I headed out into the chilly morning toward the nearest pay phone at the corner of Kingston and St. John’s Avenues, about three blocks away.

I called home, and for five torturous minutes I tried to convince my mother that I really was in Brooklyn and had been at her door just a few minutes earlier. Finally, she was convinced that it was not just another of my crazy pranks. I made my trek back to 2 Virginia Place. Finally, I was not alone. Although I lived in Jamaica, this was my home away from home. No longer alone; safe at last!

When I think of my experience of loneliness on that morning, I’m reminded of what the Gospel of Mark records of Jesus’s feeling. He wrote these words concerning Jesus: “He was moved with compassion, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd.” (Mark 14:14)

The compassion that Jesus had was translated into care that works. He carried that caring love all the way to a criminal’s cross at Calvary. There He laid down his life for lonely, broken people. He rose from the dead to assure believing hearts that He is available for their healing and eternal life. He left behind a lengthy record of broken hearts He had mended. He has not abandoned that role, and I am one expression of a lonely, broken heart he mended.

Jesus invites lonely, hurting and broken people to come to Him and He promises friendship, fellowship and everlasting life. He said He came, not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. Repentance and faith in Him are the only qualifications anyone needs. He invites sinners to repent, trust Him, and by faith, claim the everlasting life He offers. There are millions of lonely people in all the crowded cities of the world as well as lonely people in remote and rural areas of every country. It was for people like these, and people like you, and people like me, that Jesus came. He gave His life, was buried and rose from the dead for lonely people whose lonely voices cry out for help.

There are lonely voices crying in busy cities, in crowded classrooms, and yes, in homes where everyone is just too busy to listen, too self-centered to care.

My experience during that long ago morning in New York brought sharpened insight into the challenges faced by individuals experiencing pain and isolation. These lonely people are everywhere. Are you alone in a crowded city or even in a well-manicured suburb or sitting at your mahogany desk in your well-appointed office? It does not matter where you are in life, on “skid row” or in the corporate boardroom, Jesus sees your hurting heart. He wants to comfort you, forgive you and accompany you through life.

Jesus invites you to come to Him by repenting of your sin and asking Him into your life as Savior and Lord.

“For God sent His Son into the world, not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him. “(John 3:17) You can receive God’s great gift of love and forgiveness right now.

ADDEDED FOR PERSONAL USE. DO NOT INCLUDE IN SUBMISIONS TO PUBLISHERS:

If you have questions or would like help in making your decision to follow Christ, I will be happy to help. I can be reached at: audleymclean@aol.com or phone: 352-216-5899

Audley F. Mclean